GOOGLE AUTOCOMPLETE, YOUTUBE COMMENTS, & ANONYMOUS ASKS ON TUMBLR AS CONCRETE REFLECTIONS OF THE COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS MAKING ITSELF KNOWN

RE: EVERY FORM OF OPPRESSION EVER

INFATUATION

Longing to be baptized by his lost father at the alter of his prostate. A generation of boys lost to plague leaving the journey into maturity uncharted and unpaved. His only escape in drug-induced necromancy with apparitions of faggots long gone, distracted as he is ushered into manhood by the compulsive regulatory scheme of respectability. Somewhere between razor burns that no longer fade into the youthful collagen of Adonis and his 35 yr birthday [crisis], they all run, avoiding daddy-by-default by covering their eyes with pillows, now beneath their face instead of atop.

THE WHOLE HOUSE EATS

WHILE THE TERMS THAT DESIGNATE ROLES AND POSITIONS IN A HOUSE SUGGEST A MUTATION OF THE NUCLEAR FAMILY MODEL, IT IS NOT SIMPLY SO. IF YOU LOOK AT THE SOCIAL ARCHITECTURE OF A HOUSE IN AN ISOLATED MOMENT, ONE MIGHT LOGICALLY DEDUCE THAT THE ROLES ARE SET; THAT THERE IS AN ULTIMATE MOTHER AND/OR FATHER WHO DEFINITIVELY ‘BIRTHED’ OR ‘ADOPTED’ CHILDREN, WHO STATICALLY REMAIN CHILDREN. THE MOMENTARY UNDERSTANDING FAILS TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE TRUE NATURE OF THE HOUSE. THE HOUSE IS A FAMILY WHOSE INNER WORKINGS WERE ENGINEERED BY INTUITION - THE INTUITION OF QUEERS, FAGGOTS, DYKES, BOIS, GURLS, AND OTHERWISE OSTRACIZED BY THE FAMILY UNITS THAT DENIED THEM OF THEIR PLACE IN THE BIOLOGICAL ORGANIZATION OF THE FAMILY. THIS INTUITION IS INFORMED AND FORMED BY COLLECTIVE MEMORIES OF DENIED LABOR. THE LABOR OF SELF-CARE, THE LABOR OF LOVE, THE LABOR OF FAMILIAL CONTRIBUTION AND PARTICIPATION IN  THE SOCIAL AND POLITICAL FUNCTIONS OF SOCIETY AT LARGE, DENIED AND UNACKNOWLEDGED. THE GRIDLOCKED NATURE OF A SYSTEM IN WHICH POWER IS DISTRIBUTED VIA SEX (MERGED WITH GENDER), AGE AND GENETIC PROXIMITY IS COUNTERED BY A FAMILIAL STRUCTURE IN FLUX - ONE IN WHICH LABOR AND RECOGNITION FOR THAT LABOR ARE THE FOUNDATION FOR THE DISTRIBUTION AND ATTAINMENT OF POWER. A MOTHER OR FATHER EXISTS AS SUCH INSOFAR AS THEY HAVE EARNED THAT TITLE AND EXERCISED THE RESPONSIBILITY IT ENTAILS THROUGH THE LABOR OF LOVE, THROUGH THE LABOR OF PROVIDING SHELTER, FOOD, GUIDANCE AND ADVICE, THROUGH THE LABOR OF MEDIATION REQUIRED TO MAINTAIN THE FAMILIAL BONDS OF A HOUSE, AND THROUGH ULTIMATELY PROVIDING WAYS FOR THEIR ‘CHILDREN’ TO BECOME MOTHERS AND FATHERS IN THEIR OWN RIGHT. CERTAIN STRATEGIC FUNCTIONS AND TRADITIONS OF THE BIOLOGICAL/NUCLEAR UNIT ARE STILL PRACTICED, THE MOST NOTABLE BEING A RESPECT FOR ELDERS. ONCE ESTABLISHED AS A MOTHER OR FATHER, THAT ROLE IS NEVER TAKEN AWAY OR UNACKNOWLEDGED. IN THIS SENSE, THERE IS A MORE STATIC ELEMENT OF HOUSE MOTHERHOOD AND FATHERHOOD. HOWEVER, A MOTHER OR FATHER’S RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR CHILDREN IS NOT SO STATIC, FOR CHILDREN GROW, AND MANY EARN THE ROLE OF MOTHER OR FATHER WITHIN THE HOUSE OR ELSEWHERE AS A SYMBOL OF AND COHORT TO ADULTHOOD AND SUCCESS GENERALLY. SIMILARLY, CERTAIN BONDS COMPLICATE, UNDERCUT OR EXIST IN JUXTAPOSITION TO THE PARENT/CHILD MODEL. SISTERHOOD AND BROTHERHOOD, AS MODELS OF LATERAL SOCIAL AND FAMILIAL RELATIONS SUPPLEMENT THE HIERARCHICAL NATURE OF PARENT/CHILD AND MANY CHOOSE TO USE THESE AS TOOLS TO REFIGURE HOW A HOUSE IS UNDERSTOOD AND ORGANIZED. THE HOUSE IS A FAMILY OF LABOR, LOVE, SOCIAL SUPPORT, PROTECTION AND RECOGNITION OF THE SAME.

WAGE GARNISHMENT

I’M DISGUSTED BY THE EXISTENCE OF STUDENT LOANS. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE INVESTED IN A BULLSHIT VERSION OF DEMOCRACY THAT EVEN AS A “FULLY PARTICIPATING” CITIZEN, THAT PARTICIPATION HAS NO IMPACT ON THE EVERYDAY CHAINS OF STUDENT DEBT. MY EDUCATION CAME AT THE COST OF MY ABILITY TO FINANCIALLY BREATHE IN AN ECONOMY THAT HAS ALREADY RESTRICTED IF NOT SMOTHERED THE THE SOCIAL FANTASY OF COLLECTIVELY SUSTAINING  THE TWILIGHT ZONE BETWEEN DREAMS OF SELF AND SELF-SUPORT; THE ONLY HOPE THAT SUSTAINED ME WHILE DEALING WITH THE INSTITUTIONAL RACISM AND SOCIO-ECONOMIC ISOLATION OF COLLEGE; THE ONLY REAL REASON I TOOK ON THIS DEBT IN THE FIRST PLACE. THE STATISTICAL ANOMALY OF MY ENROLLMENT AND GRADUATION FROM COLLEGE HAS BEEN MATCHED WITH THE STATISTICAL ANOMALY OF SEIZING AN OPPORTUNITY TO PAY THE SAME BACK AND SUSTAIN MY GROWTH AS A PERSON. SNATCHED. 

THE SOUND OF MY SECOND LOVE

THE SOUNDTRACK WAS AN EMBLEMATIC PASTICHE OF ACID HOUSE, HOUSE OF LADOSHA, HOME-SPUN TRIP HOP, AND GENRES EMBLEMATIC OF A MOMENT IN WHICH BLACK QUEENS HAD TAKEN THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE AT THE THRONE OF CULTURAL PRODUCTION,

ALBEIT WITH THE SUPPLEMENTAL FACT THAT MARKY MARK, VANILLA ICE, EMINEM AND THE NOTABLE LIST OF CAUCASOID MEN ASSUMING THE POSTURE OF WHAT ANY 7TH GRADER MIGHT CALL A ‘WIGGER’ MET ITS MATCH IN THE SLEW OF WHITE WOMEN ‘PERFORMERS WITH EQUALLY BRAZEN ATTEMPTS TO FIGHT THE NASAL QUALITY OF THEIR VOICE AND EQUALLY SHORT EXPIRATION DATES, SAVE A FEW NOTABLE MOMENTS OF IMAGINATIVE FASHION DECISIONS

DISSONANT AND ATOPAL HYPBRIDS OF MILDY DATED HIP-HOP/R&B,  INDUSTRIAL CLUB AND AMBIENT MEDITATIONS ON THE GREY-ER AND UNSETTLING POTENTIALS OF DANCE MADE THEIR WAY FROM THE WEST VIA SOUNDCLOUD TO THE SPEAKERS OF THE CITY. THE DEMOCRATIC NATURE OF ELECTRONIC MUSIC PRODUCTION AND ACCESSIBILITY ATTACKED THE WHITE-WASHED LEGACY OF MISSHAPES, PITCHFORK, AND RUFF CLUB WITH A BASS-DRIVEN SIEGE FROM THE WRETCHED OF THE EARTH, BOTH ABROAD AND WITHIN THE CITY LIMITS. 

NEOPRENE, SPANDEX, FLUORESENCE, AND $400 BUFFALO PLATFORMS SIGNALED A DECIDEDLY ESCAPIST RETURN TO THE ECSTATIC AND YOUTH-CENTERED ETHOS OF RAVE AND CLUB-KID CULTURE.

THE CONVERGENCES BETWEEN AND WITHIN THESE AND OTHERS PROVIDED THE SOUNDTRACK FOR MY PROJECT, POSTURING ALTERNATE WAYS OF IMAGINING MYSELF. FEELING PUSSY, PERCHED, BUT NEVER PARCHED, DRINK IN HAND I STRETCHED INTO A GLORIOUSLYHOLY-MOUNTAIN-ESQUE SPACE, WETHER IN BUSHWICK, AT HOME SWEET HOME, THE WESTWAY OR THE MONSTER, PUSHING THE WEIGHT OF MY HIPS, LIMBS AND EXTREMITIES  IN SYNCHRONIZED AND THEATRICAL MOTIONS, I VOGUED MY WAY THROUGH A SUPERNOVA REMNANT MADE OF LINGERING BURSTS OF LIGHTWAVES FROM CAMERA FLASHES PAST, REFRACTED THROUGH SHATTERED HANDLES OF WELL VODKA ILLUMINATING AN EXPANDING MASS OF DUANE READE MAKE-UP AND CIGARETTE ASH PUSHED FORWARD  BY THE PULSE OF CELESTIAL SUBWOOFERS AND FOREGROUNDED BY A FLOATING MASS OF SHADE FROM SHITTY FAGGOTS, ANGRY BIDDES AND DISENFRANCHISED BROS.

UNFRIENDLY BLACK HOTTIE (QUEEN READ #2)

TO THE MATTHEW/ROBERT/CHRIS/CHARLEY/SAMUEL:

WHO APPROACHES ME AT THE BAR, PROCEEDS TO PANDER TO AN APPARENT/INHERENT LACK OF MALE ATTENTION I RECEIVE BY COMPLIMENTING MY DANCING AND SINGING THE PRAISES OF PARIS IS BURNING, WHICH HE WATCHED STONED IN HIS SOPHOMORE YEAR ANTHROPOLOGY CLASS AND THOUGHT VENUS XTRAVAGANZA WAS KIND OF HOT

WHO CHOKES ON HIS DRINK WHEN WHEN I PREEMPTIVELY ASK IF HE REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS NOVEL THAT A) HE WATCHED SHEMALE PORN AND B) GOT HARD 

WHO IN SPITE OF SUCH WARNINGS INSISTS THAT I DESIRE TO BE DESIRED BY HIM, BITTERLY PROJECTING FRUSTRATION OVER WHEN HIS WALLET WAS STOLEN AFTER GETTING BOOPED MID HAND-JOB BY A ‘LADYBOI’ ON THE TRIP HE TOOK TO THAILAND WITH HIS BUDDIES FROM WESLEYAN LAST SUMMER

WHO REFUSES TO ACCEPT BEING TURNED DOWN BY ME IN DEFENSE OF HIS EGO, WHICH IS CURRENTLY SUSTAINED BY A BY DELUSIONAL PRODUCT OF HIS STONER SESSIONS LISTENING TO LOU REED’S WALK ON THE WILD SIDE AND OBSESSING OVER THE IDEA OF SEX WITH A TRANNY AS AN AVANTE-GUARDE FORM OF INTERCOURSE. I’M UNIMPRESSED

WHO, 3 DRINKS AND 1.5 HOURS EARLIER NERVOUSLY CHUCKLED WHEN I WAS CALLED A FAGGOT BY HIS INEPT FRIEND, AFTER WHICH BOTH  SCROLLED THE T4M SECTION OF CRAIGSLIST ON THEIR IPHONES IN THE BATHROOM ALONE

PLEASE STEP TO THE SIDE AND LET ME ENJOY MY THRONE PEACEFULLY

UNFRIENDLY BLACK HOTTIE (QUEEN READ #1)

TO THE ASHLEY/RACHEL/RE-BECCA/BRITNEY/LAURA:

WHO DRUNKENLY TOUCHES MY HAIR AND ASKS IF ITS IS REAL IN AN ATTEMPT TO MOCK MY FEMININITY IN SUPPORT OF THE ILLUSION THAT HERS IS ANYTHING MORE THAN A ‘MAYBE ITS (JUST LIKE A) RYAN MCGINLEY CANDID POLAROID MAYBE ITS A LOT OF FUCKING MAYBELLINE AND D-GRADE FLORAL SKIRT’ TOSS UP. 

WHO AGGRESSIVELY INSISTS THAT I DANCE FOR OR WITH HER AS A DISPLAY TO HER BOYFRIEND THAT SHE HAS CONTROL OVER MY FISH AS ENTERTAINMENT. WHO, IN DOING SO, INSISTS THAT I PERFORM A FAGGOT TAP DANCE THAT BETRAYS THE FISHY FLOW OF FEM QUEEN PERFORMANCE FORCING ITS WAY THROUGH THE INNERMOST WORKINGS OF MY BODY AND BRAIN

WHOSE IMAGINATIVE BREADTH CONCERNING IDEAS OF SELF IS RESTRICTED TO DISHEARTENING FANTASIES OF LIVING A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MARGOT TENNENBAUM, WINONA RYDER, CHLOE SEVIGNY, THE GIRLS FROM THE VIRGIN SUICIDES OR ASHLEY IN THE CHRISTOPHER KANE DRESS ON OPENINGCEREMONY.COM

WHOSE DRUNKEN ACCOSTING OF MY PERSON IS SPILLING PBR ON THE NYLON AND PAPER MAGAZINES NESTLED IN THE OUTSIDE POCKET OF HER MOMA/STRAND/NASTYGAL/URBAN OUTFITTERS TOTE THAT HOUSES CLIPPINGS FROM THE WEDDING ISSUE OF VOGUE, SETTING AWAY THE WEIGHTLESS, SUBSTANCE FREE SUBURBAN ASPIRATIONS THAT WILL ULTIMATELY MOTIVATE HER TO MOVE TO JERSEY OR PARK SLOPE IN HER 30s, HAVING SUCCESSFULLY LIVED AN OSTENSIBLY GLAMOUROUS’ NY LIFE DOCUMENTED, I ASSUME, IN THE NUMBER OF ‘FIERCE/CRAZY PPL’ SHE HAS DRUNKEN IPHONE PHOTOS WITH, SINGLE TAG: HERSELF

WHOSE TRAGIC LADY GAGA HOMOSEXUAL BEST FRIEND LOOKS ME IN THE FACE IN ALL SERIOUSNESS AND ASKS ME IF I GOT MY HAIR DONE AT THE SAME PLACE AS MYKKI BLANCO,

PLEASE STEP TO THE SIDE AND LET ME ENJOY MY THRONE PEACEFULLY

How do you deal with the social stigma of being trans in the black community? I am sure you’re hard to clock but do you ever feel discriminated against? Do you feel the aggression more from women? or scorned men who find you drop dead gorgi?

MY REPLY: 

Luckily I live in NY and although this city is by NO means free of trans-hate, I can generally choose to navigate in ways that allow me to minimize the risk that I’ll have to deal with explicit stigmatizing via verbal violence or otherwise. That being said, I still have to ride the train and participate in public spaces daily. The stigma that comes from the black community hurts the most, because of the wounded attachment I have to it. I grew up in the black community, was raised by a black family, and culturally LOVE my blackness. Unfortunately, that love is returned less and less as I transition more and more. There is slowly but surely a visibility (albeit limited and surely conditional) opening up for the black lgbt community, but the last group that will ever participate in this opening up is black transfeminine folks. So much of the black community centers around masculinity as the organizing point for our collective identity, even to the degree that it trumps homophobia in its pure form. The biggest example of this to me is the acceptance of female masculinity in the black community. Masculine women, assuming the masculinity they perform is hard enough, are often more accepted, even if on the condition that it not be explicitly linked to lesbianism (although even this isn’t always true - the fact that Set it Off even exists as central reference in black culture speaks to this). With that being said, femininity is generally denigrated and reduced to a servile position in relation to masculinity. I think that the disenfranchisement (economic, political or otherwise) of the black community as a whole has been equated with emasculation, and there has been a sort of collective identity formation around the idea of the black community as being robbed of its power (power being equated with masculinity). HERE is a detailed explanation on how i feel about all of this. Now, how do i deal? Well firstly, I have found a community here in NY that, when we congregate, allows me to be black, trans, cyborg, cunt, witch, and all of the other beautiful things that make me who I am. I’ve also found a family in my house (LADOSHA!) that is largely black and queer. The stigma that I deal with from the rest of the black community is generally easier to deal with knowing that I have my queer family to remind me that I am not less black by virtue of the fact that I’m a t-gurl. There is also a good portion of the black community that, even if in silence publicly, LIIIIIVES for my rage. I have been approached by mostly black women from the building I work in, the neighborhood I live in, my hometown among other places who have confided in me that they live respect and appreciate what I serve and how I serve it. It sucks that many of these same women are silent when men decided to turn it on me in public, but even just to know that the love is there means a lot to me. As far as black men are concerned … GIRL.

Read More

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ENTER DISCUSSIONS ABOUT RACE WITHOUT TAKING THE TIME TO EVEN DO A BASIC WIKIPEDIA SEARCH ON THE HISTORY OF THE ISSUES THEY’RE DISCUSSING. BEFORE YOU WRITE OFF FRUSTRATED AND IRATE RESPONSES TO RACISM AS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS OR SILENCING YOUR EXPRESSIVE FREEDOM, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST TAKE THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND THE HISTORY BEHIND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. IT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT, FOR EXAMPLE, SHARON NEEDLE’S ABILITY TO EXPRESS HERSELF VIA SHOCK VALUE AT THE PRICE OF POC AND TRANS PEOPLE WITHOUT  UNDERSTANDING THE HISTORY BEHIND THE WORDS AND POWER DYNAMICS THAT SHE WAS USING. ITS NEVER SIMPLY ABOUT PERMISSION TO EXPRESS. IF YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF A BLACK WOMAN ON A LEASH IN A SEXUAL CONTEXT, YOU DIDN’T ‘CREATE’ THIS IMAGE IN A VACUUM OF INFLUENCE AND ACCORDINGLY THAT IMAGE DOES NOT EXIST IN A VACUUM OF REFERENCES. QUESTIONS SUCH AS YOUR OWN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT/AWARENESS OF THE DYNAMIC THAT PROMPTED YOU TO FIND SUCH AN IMAGE ‘SHOCKING’ OR INTERESTING IN THE FIRST PLACE (OR LACK THEREOF) ARE CENTRAL TO THE CREATIVE GESTURE THAT YOU’VE MANAGED TO PORTRAY AS A QUESTION PURELY OF INTENT. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE FACT THAT PEOPLE CHOOSE TO USE OPRESSIVE LANGUAGE, IMAGES, ETC. I THINK YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SAY AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THEN TO SHOW (ESPECIALLY WHEN VIEWED IN A LARGER CONTEXT) A BLATANT EXAMPLE OF THE COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS IN ACTION. I DO, HOWEVER, HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE PREMISE THAT YOU SHOULD BE PROTECTED OR IMMUNE FROM THE RESPONSES OF THOSE WHOSE REACTIONS ARE CONSCIOUSLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY INFORMED BY THE HISTORIES YOU WERE TOO IGNORANT OR OBLIVIOUS TO EVER TAKE THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND. THE ONLY REASON SOMEONE LIKE BROOKE CANDY IS SHOCKING IS BECAUSE OF THE REFERENCES SHE MAKES. IF SHE HAD DONE THE SAME VIDEO WITHOUT THE HAIR, WITHOUT THE HOOP EARRINGS, WITHOUT THE ‘CHOLA’ (SELF-PROCLAIMED) INFLUENCE, WITHOUT THE FEMALE BRAGGADOCIO THAT SHE GOT ON LOAN FROM LINGERING PERCEPTIONS OF WOMEN OF COLOR, SHE’D BE AN IRRELEVANT WHITE GIRL RAPPING IN A NASAL ARTIFICIALLY TOUGH VOICE FOR THE APPEAL OF STRAIGHT DUDES WHO THINK ITS ‘SUBVERSIVE’ THAT SHE’S WEARING STRIPPER CLOTHES AND ‘EMBRACING’ THE WORD SLUT WITH A PACK OF 14 YEAR OLD BOYS STARING AT HER CHEST AND AN ASIAN CHILD ON A LEASH THAT I PRAY LEAVES THE EXPERIENCE WITH NO SCARS. BROOKE CANDY DEPRESSES ME, NOT BECAUSE SHE USES THESE INFLUENCES, BUT B/C SHE’S CLEARLY TOO OBTUSE TO KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN OR WHY SHE’S USING THEM. I’M STILL WORKING ON MY READ READ OF THIS WHOLE CARRY, BUT I ENCOUNTERED A LOT OF THINGS TODAY THAT, IN TANDEM WITH THE GENERAL UNACKNOWLEDGED RACIAL CLIMATE WE’RE IN (A BLACK WOMAN WAS SET ON FIRE BY THE KKK BTW), IS LESS NAUSEATING OR ANGER-INCITING THAN NUMBING. BOOP GENERALLY